michael savage, i confess.

it was me.

i remotely beamed my epilepsy into justice roberts' head. because i am a liberal, and a hater, and a traitor. i have been trained for this eventuality all my life. over the course of twenty years, since my early childhood, a secret cabal of ju-jitsu-trained pinko commie neurologists have been administering repetitive blunt trauma to my temporal lobe, preparing for this day. i was their secret weapon. i have been kept in hiding... until now.

fear me, SCOTUS! i have powers beyond your pitiful imagining. i can make you develop essential tremors! cause coffee cups to fly out of your hands as your arms jerk out of your control! cause you to suddenly stare off into space for SECONDS ON END! and that's just for starters. that's just a foretaste. wait until i get into the generalised stuff. wait until kindling kicks in. you think i'll stop there? jacksonian march, bitches! I AM IN YOUR SODIUM CHANNELS, SCOTUS! I AM BLOCKING YOUR GABA! I AM THE BRAIN ELECTRIC!

you have been warned.