aleatory contract

my own personal Waterloo

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

michael savage, i confess.

it was me.

i remotely beamed my epilepsy into justice roberts' head. because i am a liberal, and a hater, and a traitor. i have been trained for this eventuality all my life. over the course of twenty years, since my early childhood, a secret cabal of ju-jitsu-trained pinko commie neurologists have been administering repetitive blunt trauma to my temporal lobe, preparing for this day. i was their secret weapon. i have been kept in hiding... until now.

fear me, SCOTUS! i have powers beyond your pitiful imagining. i can make you develop essential tremors! cause coffee cups to fly out of your hands as your arms jerk out of your control! cause you to suddenly stare off into space for SECONDS ON END! and that's just for starters. that's just a foretaste. wait until i get into the generalised stuff. wait until kindling kicks in. you think i'll stop there? jacksonian march, bitches! I AM IN YOUR SODIUM CHANNELS, SCOTUS! I AM BLOCKING YOUR GABA! I AM THE BRAIN ELECTRIC!

you have been warned.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. I... I'm not sure there even is a charitable reading of that.

Also, for those of us who lived in her state, the thought of Dianne Feinstein wanting a "left-wing court of lackeys to bring us into the world of socialism" is utterly hilarious.

7/31/2007 10:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a remarkable diatribe. I'm left quite speechless.

8/01/2007 7:54 AM  
Blogger BoringCommenter said...

The sad bit is, I don't think this will hurt Mr. Savage at all. Sheer blithering idiocy somehow isn't taboo.

Also, can you give George Clooney a little something next time he's on TV? For me?

8/01/2007 6:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

IM IN UR BRANEZ

BLOCKING UR GABBA

-- moi

8/06/2007 9:59 PM  

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