aleatory contract

my own personal Waterloo

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

michael savage, i confess.

it was me.

i remotely beamed my epilepsy into justice roberts' head. because i am a liberal, and a hater, and a traitor. i have been trained for this eventuality all my life. over the course of twenty years, since my early childhood, a secret cabal of ju-jitsu-trained pinko commie neurologists have been administering repetitive blunt trauma to my temporal lobe, preparing for this day. i was their secret weapon. i have been kept in hiding... until now.

fear me, SCOTUS! i have powers beyond your pitiful imagining. i can make you develop essential tremors! cause coffee cups to fly out of your hands as your arms jerk out of your control! cause you to suddenly stare off into space for SECONDS ON END! and that's just for starters. that's just a foretaste. wait until i get into the generalised stuff. wait until kindling kicks in. you think i'll stop there? jacksonian march, bitches! I AM IN YOUR SODIUM CHANNELS, SCOTUS! I AM BLOCKING YOUR GABA! I AM THE BRAIN ELECTRIC!

you have been warned.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

but now i've run out of book.

Thursday, July 19, 2007


...well, the sewing part might be okay, if i can ever get to it. i am shit at deciphering patterns....

you'd be surprised by how hard it is to cut through a wooden dowel with a pair of kitchen shears.

i wish this heat would break. the cats keep lying in front of the fans, blocking the airflow. the windows all stay open all the time, but the breezes seem to be heading in the wrong direction. despite these measures, i still keep having to ice down the poor axolotl. he is not pleased.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

i have convinced the library worker who has checked out Order of the Phoenix to hand it over to me. i have done this with the power of chocolate. i have Succeeded.

tentatively i plan to attend the release dressed as tonks. ineffably dorky, or ineffably awesome?

Monday, July 16, 2007

well, holy shit.

it's a filibuster.