aleatory contract

my own personal Waterloo

Thursday, January 31, 2008

let's bring out the big guns -- the modified israeli ones

though i am not convinced by mr carl's assessment of the john darnielle vs franklin bruno debate, i will say this: nearly everything the extra glenns ever did is as good as the very best of the mountain goats. the best extra glenns songs are even better than the best mountain goats songs. if you dig the mountain goats and haven't heard any extra glenns, your sad state requires immediate remedy.

i wonder if i could ever write a song this good. not the music parts, but just the lyrics even.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

oh fine

1. say goodbye to telephone sex!

2. i’m making a map from all the flowers i’m collecting

3. oh, i didn't realise that you wrote poetry. i didn't realise you wrote such bloody awful poetry. a tim and trixie joint.

4. i think i fucked your girlfriend once. maybe twice, i don't remember. and then i fucked all your friends' girlfriends. now they hate you.

5. it's time to murder everyone who's never heard of apollonaire. send them all to hell, it's only fair.

6. you didn't have the decency to change the sheets.

7. she's a bog-cuttin' scarlet-struttin' leather-chested gal!

8. well, i don't know how to tell the weight of the sun, and of mathematics, well, i want none

9. i hope you die. i hope we both die. this one's all katherine!

10. and sherlock holmes is my good friend, i have a trust fund i can spend, and i am ready to defend my immorality to anyone, itunes is in a weird mood thisevening.

Friday, January 25, 2008

hope is not a plan

...and neither, evidently, is bipartisanship.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

we also set the fume hood on fire, but it's okay, we put it out

what happens when the Englishman Practicum is led by an actual Englishman:

"you mean you actually DO heat up the mug first?"
"that can't make any difference."
"oh, but it absolutely does."
"and the milk?"
"oh yes. although, to be honest, i don't expect it makes much difference with your american tea. why do you put staples in the bags?"
"so they don't fall apart."
"but what do the bags do?"

"what is a crumpet?"
"and what is a scone?"
"you can have them both for tea. a crumpet is also... well... a sort of euphamism."
"a euphamism for what?"
"for, er, a woman. that you're, er, interested. in."
"...'interested in' like in an unwholesome way?"
"er, no. no, in a perfectly wholesome way. wholesome and... buttery."
"so, like, someone you'd want to have over for tea and crumpets?"
"well, that sounds not quite as wholesome..."

Thursday, January 17, 2008

learning that jonah goldberg actually graduated from goucher college made me downright proud that they kicked me out, i must say. (even if he only did get in as a legacy. and how hard up you must be to go to goucher as a legacy, well...)


"I don't want to present myself as some sort of singular figure. I think part of what's different are the times. I do think that for example the 1980 was different. I think Ronald Reagan changed the trajectory of America in a way that Richard Nixon did not and in a way that Bill Clinton did not. He put us on a fundamentally different path because the country was ready for it. I think they felt like with all the excesses of the 1960s and 1970s and government had grown and grown but there wasn't much sense of accountability in terms of how it was operating. I think people, he just tapped into what people were already feeling, which was we want clarity, we want optimism, we want a return to that sense of dynamism and entrepreneurship that had been missing."

this has been another installment of Why Obama Creeps Me Out.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

not even just a little class war? a class skirmish?


in your experience, were grades at st. john's determined more by a student's technical prowess in a given subject, or by the amount of work and effort put in by the student? do you think, generally, the grades you got were an accurate reflection of your class performance? did you feel like the grades given were lower, or higher, than those you'd receive for a comparable performance at another school?

Sunday, January 13, 2008

or: why my classmates think blackface is funny

this post is true. every fucking word of it. and if it doesn't depress the hell out of you, it should. and if you understand why it's true, you should be proud of yourself, because our media and our culture has done its damnednest to keep you from doing so.

h/t pandagon

Saturday, January 12, 2008

what should i make for dinner?

Friday, January 11, 2008

Mark As Spam

so back in 2004, after dean dropped out, i signed up as a volunteer for the kerry campaign. in the process, naturally, i provided them with my email.

they have now, four years later, given that email to the obama campaign.

i guess this is not technically wrong, but it just feels kind of shitty. i do not want more of your goddamn video, obama, i already can't hardly read your platform on your website, you have so much freaking embedded video on it, and now you're jamming more of it into my inbox. without asking.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

and i already had the boy

finally, finally, i have been able to re-perfect my macaroni and cheese. i used to just follow the recipe on the back of the san giorgio box, with some minor tweaks, but san giorgio isn't available west of the mississippi, evidently, and while i remembered my tweaks, i didn't remember the base. but i think i have it back, now. it now makes slightly more than my casserole dish will hold -- about an extra bowlful. this turns out to be a feature, not a bug, because inevitably somebody (and i won't say who) is too hungry to wait for baking to transform the macaroni and cheese into a delicious melty casserole of cheesy goodness, and since it is cooked, the leftovers give this nameless hungry person something to do while the casserole is baking.

now if i could just figure out how to make rice at altitude, i'd be set.

Monday, January 07, 2008

well, more like "buses not running day!", really


Friday, January 04, 2008

if this all comes down to obama vs huckabee i may in fact kill myself.